The Hardships we have faced.

These past five months have been the worst days of my life as I am sure that they were not the most memorable for you all. In fact, the past year has probably been the hardest. There never ever seemed to be enough money for that special little "treat" at the convenience store. The embarassing fact that for many school trips, the council picked up the cost so that you could all attend.

It all began to fall apart too quickly and I wish that it would never have happened. That our circumstances were different. My biggest pet peeve, was when people would comment "been there" or "i know exactly what you are saying".

I'm sorry, but NO they never had BEEN THERE or know exactly what we were going through. Just how many families can truly say that they are the working homeless? Yes we were evicted from a horrible apartment that was falling apart around us, BUT we had a place of our own. Forced to remove our belongings in 18 hour time frame and losing 70% of what we did own. It was heart wrenching. It still is. I am still remembering certain things that I had to leave behind. Placing what we managed to salvage into a storage unit in the hopes that it would not be long until we found a place of our own. Seeing the end to summer, beginning of an uncertain school year and autumn...trying to make due with what we had on us. Ringing in winter without our winter clothing. How did it ever get this bad? How is it with all the overtime that was done, we still never managed to get into our own place. Because that same landlord, the one who had us evicted because in fact he didn't want to have to find us a new place, or deal with the hassle....who 5 months later STILL has an empty apartment on his hands...the vicious snake that he is; garnished wages and managed to freeze bank accounts for rent that had gone "missing" from his mail box.

I can only hope that this whole situation will have made you stronger. BUT I am near certain that it was just scarring...a bleak dark period in our lives that you will look back on with contempt. I did not seek to stay in the basement...with the constant fighting, and screaming. It is not healthy.

We are in fact a true Salvation Army ad.

You ARE Smart, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Dear daughters,

Although I am addressing this letter to all of you, I felt compelled to write this after the incident that occurred this evening between the red headed devil and my spunky middle daughter.

I was not there during this incident, and only heard the recollected story that daddy told me. We had been trying to get you two older girls to get along...it seems to be an insurmountable task. You really do only have your sisters and should love them. It's a constant battle "she's in my face" "quit breathing on me"....it is little things that grate on your nerves.

Apparently the red headed devil that we are staying at, had made an off-handed comment to you, my spunky middle daughter; saying that you were stupid and that is why you go to a different school, are in a "special" class. I was thrilled to hear that your older sister actually stepped up and spoke out for you. Daddy told me that he spoke to you about it to make sure that your feelings were not hurt, and you said that you were fine.

I want you to know this. YOU ARE SMART. YOU ARE SPECIAL! Yes, you do go to a different school, and have a wonderful teacher that has helped you come out of your shell. You are in that classroom because your little mind has so many wonderful thoughts inside, that it becomes so hard for you to contain that imagination of yours. Certainly you have struggled trying to learn to read, but I know that once you do "get" it, the creativity juices within you will just flow. You will be opened to a whole world in front of you. There is nothing wrong with you, never believe that you are stupid.

It is the words of those that are ignorant that slur these insults. This red headed devil is 3 years your senior, he can't read either...and his father does his homework for him. He refuses to try at all, at least you do your best struggling along as you try. So darling daughter, you tell me who is the stupid one?

Leaps and Bounds

Dear Little Miss,

You constantly amaze me with the new things that you are learning each and every day. I love that you can sign to mommy that you need a diaper change or that you want milk. I love the way you play patty-cake and how each morning you wake with a smile on your face. The sound of your little voice saying mama or hi, is like music to my ears.

I am constantly in awe of everything that you manage to do. You are brilliant in knowing that if you scoot backwards on the bed, you can easily get down without the hard bump on the head if you were to just crawl off.

This first year has flown by as I know the years ahead will as well. I hope that you continue to strive and learn.

Love Mum

The choices we make

Dear Darling Daughter #1

I feel compelled to write this to you after reading many posts of one of your peers/friends.

I can only pray that your father and I have instilled within you the knowledge that actions come with consequences. What you choose to do in your life is something that you will either be proud of in the future or not so.

I know that in life we make mistakes but I do hope that you will learn with each one and not rush into anything. Regardless of what anyone may say, drinking alcohol and smoking, whether it be cigarettes or something else; is NOT cool. You are a young lady who I hope will grow into a bright and brilliant young woman but this will all happen with time. There is no rush to try to experience everything all at once. There is no need to try to mess up your life.

We all have had to make many choices in our lives. Some may not have turned out as we wished, but as an adult you have to learn to live with those decisions. I wish for you to know that regardless of what the circumstances may be, I will always be there for you to talk.

Love always.